Internal Inspections Of The Brooding Kind
by Majestrix Windrider
Summary: Scott's turn at bat. Ororo through Scott's eyes


"Good morning Scott." I looked up and saw the red tinted face of Ororo smiling at me.

" 'Ro, hey. Would you like to sit down?" I motioned towards the chair across from me. She sat down and winced slightly.

"Thanks." I raised an eyebrow. "What, sore?" From the looks of it Logan beat her up in the training session. I might just have to have a word with him.

"Yes. Logan's taught me a lot. I just had to pay for it." She said ruefully. 

"That's good." I keep my voice controlled, but nevertheless she looks amused. I could have taught her, but she didn't ask. Of course, it's most likely because they're going out. What, it's been six or seven months? Surprise, surprise. I was sure he would just leave her. Hell, as long as he left Jean alone, then he could do whatever, he just better not hurt Ororo. I looked at her as she stared out the windows, a slight smile on her face, and I try to remember when I've seen her this content. "Are you happy?"

She looked at me and sighed. "Yes I am. You know Jean asked the same question." I nodded my head as I sipped my coffee.

"Good." Ororo glanced at her watch and sighed. 

"Well, time for me to get moving."

"You don't want breakfast?"

"Not this morning. Not hungry." She waved slightly before moving off, as graceful as ever. The dining room is quiet once again, the children not awake yet to eat breakfast. I use the forty-five minutes for relaxation, reading the paper, a leisurely cup of coffee and a newspaper, but Ororo's got me to thinking. She usually does that. I find myself reliving my first week living with her and Jean. 

I was just eighteen, feeling too tall for my body, with a stupid visor on my face. I always got looked at, but no one wanted to talk to a guy when they could adjust their makeup where his eyes should be. I was a shy person, being a mutant would do that to you, especially where I grew up. I was taught I wasn't good enough to be born human, so I must be something bad. It took many months for Professor Xavier to break that brainwashing, something I've been grateful for my entire life.

That morning when I came downstairs the Professor called me into his office. Jogging slightly I walked in, and a girl was sitting there, and all I saw was long white hair, hanging down the back of the chair. Of course it looked pink to me, and it reflected the light, sort of a crystalline brilliance. Professor Xavier looked up and smiled. "Scott, I would like for you to meet our new resident, a classmate of yours, Ororo Munroe."

Ororo Munroe. The name rolls off your tongue satisfyingly before you even realize you've said it. She stood, rising and turning with one graceful move. I felt my face get as red as my visor when I came to the truth that she was absolutely breathtaking.

With my visor I have to rely on memory to contrast color against red. Her skin was of an even medium tone, her face serene and exquisite. I never knew a girl on which that adjective would fit, but there she was, standing right in front of me. I found myself relaxing as she took my outstretched hand. "Hello Scott. Nice to meet you." The accent surprised me, and I forced out a reply.

"She's your age." The professor offered, wheeling himself away from his desk.

"Oh." My, my wit must astound her, I thought. She smiled and looked down at my hand, which still held hers. I dropped it, feeling like a total idiot, and she laughed slightly. Oddly, I felt better, and laughed a little myself

"Could you please show Ororo around the grounds? I must prepare for our other student, which should be arriving sometime today. I hope you'll be happy here." He smiled at her.

"What I've seen I like." She smiled as she looked at me, but she couldn't have been talking about me. I'll admit, my self esteem wasn't that good then.

"Good. If you'll both excuse me.' We moved away so Xavier could pass, and we watched him leave the room. She turned back to me with an eyebrow raised, and all thought left my mind.

"Uh…" I started, suddenly really nervous being left alone with her.

"The grounds." She supplied, leaning forward slightly. I could see the top of her cleavage, and I swallowed nervously. 

"Right." I showed her the mansion, and when she told me her room was the attic, I showed it to her, which was right in the middle of renovation, but I could tell she liked the potential. We moved to the gardens, the seclusion giving everything a not quite real quality to it.

"Mind if we stop here for a while?" Ororo asked, enthralled with the view of the lake.

"Sure." I sat down on a bench watching the heat rise off of the dark red asphalt, though I know it was black. She gave me a jubilant smile and spun around slowly, arms raised. I admired her beauty as she moved, spinning in front of me. Although only eighteen, her body was that of a twenty two year old, and couldn't possibly get any better. Her denim skirt was short, long beautiful legs showing. I wanted to touch them, feel how her muscles worked beneath what I was most sure was soft skin.

Her hips were perfect, generously made as she started to move them as she spun. They undulated and my mouth went dry as I took her in as a whole. She must have been a dancer at some time in her life. I let my eyes go further up her body. Her waist was slender, not skinny, her midriff shirt revealing her toned stomach and back.

I sighed and shifted, watching her almost became painful in the jeans I was wearing. The thin shirt was white, shielding while not leaving much to the imagination, or at least mine. I bet my visor could get lost in her chest, and I'd love to try and find it.

I watched in amazement as she lifted off the ground slightly, spinning into the air. She could fly? I stood up as she floated higher. Ororo cried out as she plummeted, five feet in the air.

Suddenly glad I spent all that time in the gym lifting weights, I caught her in my arms, both of us hitting the pavement.

"Oh! Scott, I'm so sorry!" She said, regretfully getting up from on top of me. Her concerned face came into view as she moved my then long hair out of my sight. "Are you okay?" She asked, anxiously rising to her feet and standing by my head. I followed her sandaled feet up to her legs, past the hem of her skirt and sighed. I could now die a happy man.

"Yeah." She helped me up and we sat on the bench, Ororo picking out twigs from her hair. "So you can fly?" I asked, smiling.

"Some day I will, when I can control my powers. I was just getting acquainted with the weather system in this hemisphere." She said, tucking her hair behind her ear. We talked about our powers for an hour. She was interested in mine, and past that aggravating superficial politeness, but genuine interest. I suddenly didn't feel as lonely and the mansion didn't seem so big.

"Hello." We both turned at the new voice behind us. That was the first time I saw Jean. 

Most would think I fell in love with her on first sight, or something like that, but no, not really. She had a beautiful voice, and hair I knew was red right away. Her figure was on the willowy side, and she moved nervously. Ororo rose to introduce herself and Jean looked kind of scared at first, but smiled and shook her hand. "I'm Jean Grey, a telepath." Ororo just smiled wider and I watched Jean interestedly.

I sipped my coffee as my thoughts shifted to the present briefly. Why did I pick Jean when I was more attracted to Ororo? Simple. I wanted a normal life. A life with a wife and a good job. I wanted no one to stare when I went out in public, but that was shot out the window due to the quartz glasses. Jean always showed she was interested in me, I never had to guess. With Ororo I'd be sure one minute, and confused the next.

Jean aspired to be a doctor as I pursued degrees in anthropology and English, Ororo, botany and history. A doctor was normal. Me, a tall, white guy with red glasses and brown hair would be involved with a tall, red headed white woman doctor. That was normal, just about as normal as I could get. Ororo…Ororo wasn't factoring into that equation.

I could pretend to be as normal, as human, as I wanted to be. Our relationship progressed and I realized I didn't love Jean as much as I thought. I mean, I cared for her deeply, I just didn't feel that pulse pounding, slightly dizzy, overwhelmed feeling when we kissed. Not like with Ororo.

We kissed once. Jean was off at a formal function with Professor Xavier for two days, leaving Ororo and I alone, grading papers. It was late night and a Friday, thankfully no school on Saturday, but tons of exams to grade. Ororo had her hair up in a messy bun, pen in her mouth as she sighed over a student's work.

I smiled and kept going, blinking at some of the answers my kids gave me, but without feeling sorry, I gave them the grade they earned. Ororo yawned and I looked up. "Want some coffee?"

"No, it's time for a break." She stood and stretched, and I rubbed my temples.

"Well, have fun." I went back to my exams.

"Oh, no Scott. You're having a break as well. Come on, there must be some movie on at this hour." She pulled me protesting out of my chair, but when my tired body came in contact with the soft couch, I sighed with relief as she turned on the television. A couple of hours went by and we found a few movies that were good, watching and laughing at a Ninja Turtles movie that was showing on an eighties night special. 

"I can't believe I wanted to be a turtle." I admitted, covering my face. She looked at me in shock before exploding with laughter.

"No, please tell me you're kidding."

"I'm not."

"I'm scared."

"You should be." We laughed again.

"A TURTLE!" Ororo wouldn't let it go. I didn't think it was all that funny, I mean, I couldn't have been the only kid who wanted to be a turtle. I grabbed the throw pillow from behind my head and whacked her on the arm. She yelped and armed herself, hitting me on the back of the head. We went at it since I had my sports visor on, no danger of it getting dislodged by mistake. She got quite a few hits in before I saw my chance. I ducked as she over swung, and I caught her around the waist, pinning her against the couch.

"Admit I win." I taunted, as she struggled against me.

"Scott!" She said indignantly. "You cheated."

"And you're a sore loser. Say it." I laughed harder.

"Never!" Ororo laughed, thrashing around. The bun on her head finally had too much, and her long hair cascaded down the side of her face and down the couch. I was laughing hard at her, now having her by the arms, and she wrapped her legs around my waist, trying to suffocate me. She has the strongest leg grip of all the women I know. It almost worked, but I pressed her harder into the couch, and brought my face low. 

"Just say it." I looked into her eyes. Ororo is the only one besides the Professor who can always look me in the eye, and know when I am looking them in the eye. I sort of fell into her eyes as our bodies got closer, the mood of our play suddenly changing. Immediately I realized I wanted to kiss her. 

"Scott?" Her voice was a whisper against my lips as I captured those that I've fantasized about, my arms relinquishing hers as I brought my hands back to her waist. Her arms encircled my neck and pulled me closer to her, my body pressing her into the couch, her legs relaxing and falling away. It was amazing, like magic and adventure rolled into a drug, injected straight into my brain. It was all that I thought it would be, and I felt more alive than I had felt in years, passion yelling in my mind.

Four years of denial. Four years since I had met Ororo at that point. Four years since I decided to go with normal, with almost could be human, and with Jean. A certain side of me just took over, and we wrestled on the couch for almost fifteen minutes, just exploring each other's mouths. We couldn't seem to get enough as we strained against each other, in our frantic rolling we fell off of the couch.

That woke us up. We fell apart, looking at each other in horror. My girlfriend and her best friend. How could we have done the thing that is most definitely verboten? Ororo groaned and put her head in her hands. " 'Ro." I tried to say, not knowing what in the world could be said, what should be said.

"No. Not right now. I…I…" For the first time I saw her fumble with words.

"I know." She nodded and stood, walking out of the room quickly. I stayed, sitting in the dark for about three more hours. How could I have betrayed Jean? With her best friend? Conflicting thoughts and emotions played themselves out in my mind as I trudged to bed, mind and body tired.

Everything went on as if nothing happened, as it shouldn't have happened. An understanding was made between Ororo and I, never to talk of that moment where my willpower broke, and she submitted to her best friend's boyfriend. The memory forgotten when Logan came, and I felt I had to defend the way I was just because he was different, more "rugged" than me, more exciting because they had known me for a long time, because my powers made me stay vigilant.

When Logan left, I was relieved. Things went back to normal and we had a new student. Rogue was a nice girl, and Bobby finally had someone to concentrate his feelings on. They made a cute couple, under the circumstances. Then he came back. I was ready, or so I thought. It was war, and he took my beloved bike. I loved that bike almost as much as I loved Jean. When he left Jean alone, I couldn't read her mood, which I was always able to do before. It had taken a while, but I grew to love her dearly, but it still didn't change the fact that I was attracted to Ororo. 

When Logan expressed interest in her, I was little relieved, a little pissed. What could I do? I was engaged, and Ororo was a grown woman. She loves him, and that's all there is to it, because I know how it feels. I have a nagging doubt sometimes, a dream every once in a while where I chose Ororo instead of Jean. I can't help but wonder if I would be happier than I am. I'm not unhappy, but I'm not joyful. I laugh ruefully. I'm normal. Isn't that what I wanted?

"What's so funny dear?" Jean asks, coming into the dining room, mug of tea in hand. She sits down beside me and gives me a kiss, bringing a smile to my face.

"Nothing, just memories." She nods understandingly and sips her tea, having brought along a book to read, leaving me to my newspaper. I think about all the wonderful times I've had with Jean, and I realized, I've done the right thing. Ororo's happy, I'm happy. We're all just happy. Maybe now I'll stop praying for Logan to jump off a cliff, because no matter my feelings for her, she deserves, she needs, to be happy.


End file.
